Ms Headphones

2010-07-10T23:27:00.002+08:00

+ With Eyes Wide Shut +
- bless the fall - [ dedicated to u ]

its those moments ..
that takes so long to pass by.
i kept thinking about u..
u never did once leave my mind :(

i finally run out of things to say , and frankly , this is pretty dissapointing .

i miss you only a lotxx
more than anything in the world..
gah.. i'll give anything to see u again .
i'll give everything to see u smile .
But u still don get hw much u mean to me, do u?

I still see u in my mirror .. its the only thing that keeps me going this days//
i dunno hw i could be so crazy over u..
yeahh. im weird i noe.
maybe weird in a gd way ? gahh i dunno
but i cnt help but worry :(
it doesnt help that every single thing in my life reminds me of u ,
but u do come in handy :) ur my lucky charm
+ Ace Aleaf + written (written , nt carved. lol ) on my wrist almost every morning ..
it helps me get through the day ..

1st thing i cnt forget : ur smile ..
u don smile as much .. but when u do, it could light up my life :)
2nd: ur hair ..
stop scolding me for saying that.. lol
3rd : ur voice..
4th: ur humour, u might be lame at times, but u never fail to make me smile.

N i truly miss u ,
with all my heart .

u once said : theres many guys out there..
i noe that . but ur the only guy i ever felt like this before..
i could never look at other guys the same..
never..
in fact, i crave for another minute i could spent with u.
then u said, my purpose in life isnt waiting for u ,
but im already am..
and i cnt imagine myself doin anything else ..

i dunno if i was imagining things ,
friends said i was obsessed with the thought of u a little too much ,
but i thought u said those three words ,
once awhile ,
i dunno if u mean it,
or if it was just a figment of my imagination ..
i want to mean something to u , i wanted u to just remember me ,
but i noe i dont .
but i still want to be close to u.
atleast as a friend .
coz i feel like i meant to u , nothing more
than just a friend..
i noe i wanted more.. but i was just being selfish..
im human so u cnt blame me.
excuses .

please contact me soon .
i need to noe if ur alrite..
coz i care :(
n i worry a lot, u noe me :(
pleasee , :(

nothing much

2010-02-11T23:34:00.002+08:00

its those moments .
where suddenly ur being brought back to the past.
or just remember someone u dearly miss.
yeah. i miss ace.
i was writing some lyrics then just was swept away when all the flashbacks came back to me.
atleast im not as pathetic as i used to be.
when this happens , usually i'll find someone's shoulder n cry .
now i cry alone. lol.
Hafiz slapped me , twice today.. for fun.. -.- so hard i almost dislocated my jaw.
im used to this abuse, but i still hurts.. lol ..
i have the video, btw, the first time he slapped me,
the so called "break-up" scene..
even though i get beaten up here and there ,..
Hafiz could slap really hard.. really really painful ..
so... tian ning's gonna slap him back.. yay. lol
My hp died.. weee... but im still using it.
someone please call me, contact me, now or then ,
i tend to get real lonely.. lol.
sorry for nt updating for so long..
till time gives me another chance..

2009-12-16T16:02:00.003+08:00

i feel super weird..
i bathe myself in my blood a few days ago..
was on strong drugs .
don scold me. lol
was sick...
zauwin is gonna kil me..
what do i care.. lol

i wrote some poems on insanity..
yeah.. i suck. lol
somewhere somehw i just feel sick..
nw jx being super random .
awesomeness...

I LOVE BILL KAULITZ!!
theres no real love in you, why do i keep loving u??
automatic ...
when i lose myself i think of u...
lol.. wth ..
i love my edward cullen more...
sorry bill .
u still super hot ,
and preeeeetty ....

shit .
i hate this feeling..
weeee...

- Insanity-
i drowned my soul in self pity
as i lose myself to insanity
the whispers fall on deaf ears
with all my might, fighting my fears

spiders and cats driving cars
bears were there burning stars
beneath these lies im going blind
help me before i lose my mind

ace

2009-11-20T17:41:00.000+08:00

im just freaking confused.
as nightmares pleases me.
and flashbacks haunting me.
i just dunno what to do.

i heard his voice.
his so dreamy voice.
lol.
still couldnt believe its him.
the moment i heard his voice, the moment he replied,
i swear.
my pain, heartaches, worries,
all faded away.. all melted away .
i would kill for another moment like this.
ace , ace ..
he doesnt noe hw much happiness he brought for me.
as i said,
hes everything to me,
though i mean nothing, NOTHING to him.
sometimes i wish that i would make a big impact for him,
as he did for me,
just wanna see him happy.
as always, its the only thing i would ask for.
i would sacrifise my happiness for him .
dammit. i would sacrifise my life.
the flashbacks haunts me once more.

its seem so long since he replied.
come on girl, try to understand.
and give him some space.
he has already given me relief.
yet i dont want to lose him
i never want to lose him
those months when he tried, to let me go,
trust me,
the worst times i have ever had in my life.
i never want to go through that again.
but if he were to do that again,
i guess i promise,
to deal with the pain.

no point

2009-10-07T21:17:00.002+08:00

The perfect guy found his perfect girl...
And they live happily ever after..
im happy for u.
i always wish for u to be happy.
guessed i got what i wished for.
jealous? why should i be?
he fucking deserves someone better than me..
way better..
just find it so hard to let go.
but im sure he has no problem in doing that.
im trying to dissapear .
just for his sake.
i wished u all the best..
may u 2 last long...

living another day of my miserable life.
when will it ever end?
the heartaches, the pain , the tears,
i cry every fucking night,
sometimes without even a fucking reason.
wats with that?
yeahh. still hurt myself.
its my choice.
noone should interfere.
i don want anyone else to get hurt.

Another day goes by, i don't understand or know the reasons why,
Another day goes by.

i tried to making a difference but nothing helps.
still completely alone.
alone.
still have no shoulder to cry on ,
noone to relate to,
what the fuck should i do?
should i just shut this life and make everybody's life easier?

yeah. something weird happen today.
while everyone is celebrating the end of DNT lesson ,
hafiz was having fun doing somethin.
yeahh.. drilling holes in his nails.
i gotta admit, find it fascinating.
who else would do any crazy stuff in sch?
other than that somebody kissing hafiz on the cheek.
in front of ,, someone. damn.
great timing.
piss that asshole off.
everybody would want that.

and now.
still crying my eyes out.
my tears never run out.
maybe i would bleed tears.
or something like that.
i need of someone or something ,
to understand me.
seems that someone don't exist.

lilah , give up.

nothing more

2009-09-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

theres nothing more i can say.
i think he blocked my from his life.
that sucks.

yeahhh.
i went through hell on thursday,
i noe , i noe .
shit happens every un-expecting moment.
please ,
stop asking me what i was doing sitting on the 13th floor.
i noe i was crying.
i was just a place for me to think .
i wasnt abt to kill myself.
not yet anyway.

updating my story blog.
http://illusionary-life.blogspot.com/
theres a chatbox , u guys can comment and stuff.
yeah , i noe i suck at writing ,
but it turn into a hobby .

I didnt need to cut myself ,
coz the fence did.
haha .
was i dat stupid to climb over the huge fence?
yeah i was. lol .

nah . nothing much today .
some tears i shed,
same oh same oh

kill me shoot me

2009-08-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

shoot me .
its really painful this time .
theres only more hurt .
no more happiness in my life .
only tears ,
so far no blood yet .
its fasting month , im trying my hardest not to cut myself .
but it seems sooooo hard .
i guess ace noes why ,
why im crying my eyes out .
god , pls , i really need help this time .

i dn think i care if u take my life .

currently , i think im the mouse to ace , little cat chase .
since, ace is the cat ,
he could either kill me and eat me ,
play with me then kill me ,
or just let me go ,
or be in my life .
its really ur choice.
only , im suffering .
waiting for the answer . haiz.

- perfect timing-

2009-08-22T00:58:00.002+08:00

- Welcome to my Life -

with the radio blasting all along
and noone hears you screaming

if u dun noe whats its like ,
when nothing feels alrite ,
u dunno what its like to be like me ,

to be hurt
to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked
when ur down
u feel like u been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down
but noone's there to save you
if u dunno what it's like ,
welcome to my life ..

randomness fills my time nowdays
even my friends left me alone for a few days
i seemed more moody , i totally lost myself
more sad , i dunno if i cn get my happiness back

nah , today's , pretty alrite ,
not forgeting how we made fools out of ourselves ,
me , hugging every mannequin i see ,
mostly from metro . lol .
yeah . my friends didnt ditch me this time .

my knives are still missing ,
but i kinda found something sharper
and it comes from a cpr dummy ,
perfect timing ,

i really feel alone nowdays ,
i really do .
sometimes , i just wanna break free from that feeling

anyways ,
im sorry to embarrased our school . lol
i sucked at badminton man .
well , atleast , i made friends with the badminton team from fuchun sec .
and they all noe me now .
faiz still have not contacted me .. haiyoo .. hw long man .
i kinda want the rest of the teams' contacts .

me and hafiz were like competing how has more scars and stuff like that ,
it was pretty funny when mr elkan saw his scars
yeah rite lah hafiz , u lost control when u were playing with the stapler .
lol
still not enough blood though . lol

- no way out -

everywhere i turn i hurt someone
but theres nothing i can say to change the things i've done
i'd do anything within my power
i'd give everything i've got
but the path i seek is hidden from me now

of all the things i hid from u
i cannot hide the shame
and i pray someone , something will come
and take away the pain

theres no way out of this dark place
no hope , no future
i know i cant be free
but i cant seek any way
and i cant face another day

to ace :
yeah , i noe
another entry on u
i cnt never stop loving u
ur still in mind head
and ur staying there
god , ur seriously everywhere ,
on my table , on the tv ,
even in my textbooks

u really mean so much to me
but i noe i mean nothing to u ,
maybe im just invisible or something
sometimes i wonder , if i would ever be happy ,
i noe that i would never be ,
and i guess i could live with that

i feel so dead
drowning more and more in my tears
suffering without contact with u .. hmmm ..
i really hope u'll find happiness soon .
don be as pathetic as me .
im a pretty messed-up kid still struggling with life
haiz...
do tell me how ur doin here and then ,
u noe i would be there to hear any stories u willing to tell me ,
i really hope ur okay /

suicide methods

2009-08-15T00:23:00.000+08:00

i noe im messed up nowdays...
god ,
i dunno if i cn take this anymore..
if i were to commit suicide ,
which method would i have chose anyway ?
hmm... would anyone miss me if im dead?

SUICIDE METHOD 1:
cut myself and bleed to death

advantage: i get to use my favourite knife or razor
Disadvantage : 1) my blood would be everywhere , those cleaning me up would start cursing
2) i may not cut the right vein and i may be saved in time

SUICIDE METHOD 2:
jump from a certain height ( 29 storeys?)

great : its quick and easy
sucks : 1) if i picked a wrong storey (too low) i may end up paralyzed then i would be a burden to everybody.
2)my body parts aint gonna stick to me ( here goes the curses of the people cleaning me up)

SUICIDE METHOD 3:
fire ( yeahh , and die from the flame)

great: people would remember as the fiery red rose ,
sucks: 1) might get people injuired ( wad if they cnt put out the fire?)
2) its really gonna be painful
3) i would still feel the flames when i reach hell

SUICIDE METHOD 4 :
drug overdose

great: get high before i die
sucks: Try getting high from panadol

SUICIDE METHOD 5:
eat/drink to death

great: i cn pick my fave foods and die in peace after that
Sucks: my body would stop after im full (DUH!)

SUICIDE METHOD 6:
Get killed in a fight

great: i can take down enemies and bring them to hell with me
Sucks: 1) people would remember me as the "rowdy" , unmemorable
2) There would be body parts everywhere

SUICIDE METHOD 7:
Hire a killer

great: get the job quick
sucks: As if i got money

SUICIDE METHOD 8:
( chosen )
DIE OF A BROKEN HEART

great: 1) remember me for the love i gave
2) remember my poems written

sucks: once my life is ended , theres no going back .

In fact , im already dead .. so...
yeah.. no point listing all this shit .

still thinking of ace ( im not surprised)
haiz . its breaking my heart every minute .
and then , something creeps up .
bloody perfect timing .
u guys really want me dead .
then kill me already .

breaking into pieces

2009-08-02T22:37:00.002+08:00

I die little by little on the inside
i just want you by my side
you don't know how much i love you
or you're pretending to avoid the end of me
and just letting me be

feeling blue as i fall to the floor
couldn't see with my eyes sore
couldn't breathe as blood wets the bed
i tried to remember what you said

the loneliness is killing me
without you im just incomplete

missing you is not a crime
writing songs to fill my time
making poems to fill my head
not forgetting the tears i shed

missing you that much - another poem by me
i noe it sucks
so yeah...
i started writing again .

I hope he knows how i feel about him .
god , just read my previous post.
i just love u so much .
so...

Dont ever leave me
don't abandon me
these are my pitiful pleas

he hasn't been replying for days ,
its seems so long...
wherever u are ,
i really hope ur okay .
talk to me aite ?
u noe i cnt live without u .
haiz... ace ace .

i wonder where all the sharp things went ,
my penknife's missing...
my knife is missing ...
the only thing that is sharp enough..
is my mum's needle ..
try cutting with needles
yeah , theres no blood ...
guess this situation means something ...
either to stop hurting myself ...
or...
to get a replacement knife ...
yeahh ...

a few friends of mine told me to help them create some poems ,
haf no problem doing that ,
so if u have any request ,
poem . stories or lyrics ,
i try to help however i can .

gunshot - another poem . lol ( i noe , it helps sometimes)
fill my gunshot with love
the only thing im feeling now is pain
looked to the sky and saw a dove
just to experience it again

you shot me to the ground
i tried to scream but theres no sound
there blood all over the floor
he left after he slammed the door

[ ace , i really need you now ,
with all this pain im going through ,
i don think i can face it alone ,
yeah , i love u ,
and i do not ask for ur love in return ,
i guess , thats wadd love's about,
sad but true .
I love u with all my heart ,
maybe even more
i miss u
counting the seconds ,
the minutes ,
and hours im not with you ,
just a reply cn heal the pain ,
its just the 1st step ,
to break the chain ,
or broken hearts
and cuts ,
of bleeding tears,
and forgeting my fears]

falling to pieces again

2009-07-27T21:41:00.001+08:00

i noe .
im really falling apart this time .
Im only breaking my heart ,

sometimes i just wished i didnt exist .

now i just wished that ace n his ex never broken up.
i noe he will be much happier .
" And when i see u cry , it makes me wanna die"
for sure . i never want to see him hurt
all i want is his happiness .
I wouldnt mind sacrificing anything ,
even my life . I would not missed it , if i get to see him smile ,
one last time .

Yeahh .. i noe ,
i don think he cant open up his heart for me ,
he just loves her so much .
and that doesnt bother me .

i hope he knows ,
hes my world ,
hes everything to me ,
I just ,
love u that much . so much
never loved anyone this way .
never .
everywhere i go ,
everything reminds me if u , ace...
every small little thing .

i dunno whyy i get hurt so easily ,
i don really care anymore .
i hope he would just put away his misery ,
and be happy for once .
even if its just for a day .
i noe i cnt make u happy ,
it just seems that way ,
but if i cn help in anyway ,
i would ...

i love you till death
i love you till the end
i love you with all my heart , i swear
even maybe more than that .
i hope u realise , u aint the only one .
i cn feel ur pain .
thought its hard to cope with mine .

no more tears from crying
its all dried up
i cut myself to relieve the pain
and pray it wont happen again

picking up the pieces .

2009-07-26T21:38:00.002+08:00

wow ...
today was...
Kayy , there aint any words to describe it .
but it was unforgetable .
yeahh .. i went out with him...
muahahaha ,
damn fun lor ...
ehk , wait , whats with the singlish? 0.0
i noe , im still hyper .
jumping on my bed , losing my breath as my hearts beats fast .

god , thanks for making today possible .
I HAD THe BEST TIME OF MY LIFe !
lol (:
yeahh .. he brought me out (:
we went to city hall and like spent hours in the cd shop . haha
it only seem like minutes .
sad .
but i enjoyed myself .
i really did .
seriously , i dn feel like writing everything that we did today .
i would rather treasure it as a memory
yeahhhhh .... lol .

to be honest ,
i never ever thought of falling in love ever again .
after wadd happen with me and , u noe who ( S-O-F-I) yeahh , u shud noe .
i really lost myself , he really really hurt me ... and yet, i still feel the pain .
I wonder why . It should be him regretting everything .
Nah... Ace kinda brought me back to life .
i wonder how he does it ...
its been so long since i been alone ...
its been so long since i ever open up my heart to someone .
its been so long since i smile or laughed
its been so long since i ever felt anything
and its pretty obvious that u stole my heart completely .
and i aint want it back .
i wished he feel the exact same way about me .
when did i find out that i was crazy about him ??
haha.. thats was pretty long ago .
even the 1st day we met seemed perfect .
oh .. stop it already lah .
everything about him is perfect
I hoped i could be perfect for you . though it seems impossible .
still remembered what huda said .. haha
" if u guys were together , sure cn last long " ,
followed by that weird smile of hers . haha .

i noe i been closing up to every chance i get .
he hugged me (: i noe im the one that owe him that
but thanks for that.
i managed to keep my tears from flowing .
trust me , its been a long time i ever let any guy touch me.
i just feel comfortable being with him .
its a great thing i didnt hug him though ,
it will be so hard for me to let go .
we had " the moment" ( where we both stare into each other eyes without saying anything)
for more than once .
haha... i never experienced that before .
for now it seems that u mean the world to me ...
maybe even more (:
that stranger doesnt seem a stranger anymore .
i love u to death ...
i can never escape a sec without thinking of you .
thats what u mean to me .

i guess i understand that u never want to hurt me .
trust me , for u , i will endure any pain ,
without u ,
there never will be a me ...

im sorry for asking you to be mine .
haha. i was impatient.
honestly , i was afraid .
afraid u might fall for someone else .
and i noe im selfish .
i just want u to be mine and mine only .
so , please forgive me for that .
:(

strager killed me ( a broken mirror)

2009-07-21T21:59:00.003+08:00

These days , u barely even say my name , like u don really feel the same . i wondering whats to blame .

- running back - jessica maulboy

those lyrics are stuck in my head .
i think i did something damn wrong .
Ace seems mad at me .
im sorry ,
sincerely i am , if i done anything wrong .
currently have a few slash marks on my arm ( not that visible)
i dont think thats enough though
i tried my best to understand , seems hes like me , he would want "to be alone" sometimes .
i wished he would tell me if he was facing any problems , for i loved being his listening ear . i could promise him to keep all that he told me as a secret . or anything.
i just feel like dying .
i dunno wad to do anymore .
couldnt stop crying .
i don think i can fake my smiles any longer .
i just feel so miserable .
yeah . i kinda miss his voice.
i really hope HE WOULD NEVER HATE ME .
i'll kill myself if he does .
argh .
i wonder whats wrong with me .
maybe thats why he wouldnt talk to me.
guess i should him more time .
i would feel tempted to msg him or something , yeah , i noe thats irritating .

all i want is for him to be happy , i would sacrifice anything just to see him smile .
anything .
even if it means dissapearing .

my entries are all from the heart ,
if u really noe me , i never lie .

stop me from destroying his life :(

that somebody

2009-07-19T03:17:00.002+08:00

hah . yeah .
camp was fun .
bbq was fun .
i love 2E2'09 :)
we rock to the core

n yeah
he replied
but on msn instead . lol .
seems like years since we chat ( but its only been weeks . lol )
yeah . im addicted to him .
hopefully , HES NOT READING THIS .
lol . was shocked when he actually read my last entry .
must be careful with wad i say now . haha .
im so crazy for u . argh .
now i guess , whoever reading this must be saying ,
"shes obsessed" or something like that .
maybe i am .
he just so ...
me ....
seems theres only two words to describe him .
Dreamy ...
and ....
Perfect... duh (:
argh ! i noe , i shud like stop thinkin about him or something like that .
but no avail .
yeah.... so the bloody obvious i like him orh .
i think he noes .
duh.. he noes.
all my secrets are like reveal here.
and like i cant stop talkin about him .
be mine already . lol .
only my teddy bear hugs me back . sad .
haiz.
feel so the miserable ...
he was the only one that brought me back to life .
i hope he feels the same way .

dead

2009-07-06T23:19:00.002+08:00

i feel dead
he hasnt reply in four days
how do u think i woud feel?
i guess hes trying to forget me or something .
i really hope not .
i'll die
for sure
only if he knows how i feel
yeah .

science project is done
malay , havent even started
fucked up sia
nobody hardly noes how to do also
i cnt sleep
so currently blogging
if u didnt noe
wth .

my new blog skin sucks .
i noe .
dn go bitchy on me .
i do bite ,
if u didnt noe .

if only i can scream at the top of my lungs
if i do now ,
i will wake everyone then
they will start screaming at me
how ironic

stolen my heart

2009-06-28T15:37:00.005+08:00

wish i could arrest the thief who stole my heart
handcuff him to my life

so that he weill never run away :)

yeahh...
so obvious i fallen for somebody
lol.

even created a playlists dats fits my feelings :)

its on da blog :)

hes my mirror
and my razor...

he cut me open and i keep bleeding love .

lol.

a tribute to MJ

2009-06-27T22:26:00.002+08:00

25 June 2009

the legendary Michael Jackson had passed .
some many fans were devastated .
i , myself , used to listen to Michael Jackson .

Zauwin :
he made me believe that werewolves and second chances exist and
I will NEVER ever be like Billie jean

Umairah :
may allah bless his soul. MJ will be missed dearly,thats for sure.it doesnt matter if your Black or White,he Beat It and he have to go, even Billie Jean is not his lover, WE LOVE HIM thats for sure.

Khairul Amirul :
he made me change. he changes us all. he makes a difference in the world. he is michael jackson. a notorious pop icon. an icon, a legend who would stay in my heart for a long long time and an icon which my children would idolize greatly. may he be loved by many and long live his great legacy..

He created a dance which is still popular up to now .
Michael Jackson would be deeply missed and always remembered .

random stuff...

2009-06-18T22:38:00.002+08:00

yay .
lol.
im kinda ok wif zauwin ( i think)
lol .
no point in getting angry all the time .
for no apparent reason .. -.-
lilah lilah tsk.tsk.tsk .
its nice .
he wrote a poem for me . lol

Life without friendship...
is like the dawn without the sun.
Life without friendship...
is like the sky without the moon
when the evening has begun.

Life without friendship...
is like a rose without rain.

Life without friendship...
just wouldn't be the same.

yay . must forgive more . haha
so cn get more poems ..
per jek .
i shud write more poems also . lol

HUSAYN HUSAYN HUSAYN HUSAYN
HUSAYN HUSAYN HUSAYN HUSAYN

haha. im sure stereo nakamura is reading rite nw .
so cool .
lol
but damn . hez everywhere .. haha
cnt escape from his look-alikes.
either that or im obssessed .
lol .
i think he looks lyk Shia Labeouf
err.. wait,
NO WAY ..
haha... maybe a lil .
k . i must be blind . haha
but hez nice . honest . caring .
TO CHRISTINA AND OTHER ELP MEMBERS ,,
HE IS NOT 80 YEARS OLD!!!!
god , u guys are irritating . and evil .
haha... he eighteen...
kesiannnnnn husayn . lol

wahh.... cn write so much abt husayn ar???
cannot cannot , later his girlfriend jealous . haha .
nahhh... he a big brother from teddy bear world .
even his couzin , khairul amirul is nice .
except for the fact he keeps calling me lame .
haiya....
husayn also ,, nowdays .
haha . now husayn is going to tell khairul to look at my blog .
for sure .
absolutely .
ok .. maybe not .
:D

yay. now wad???
i would use up the whole night blogging about husayn .
lol.
guess , i will end this blog with a fresh original poem .
so gonna be boring . lol . no need to read . i think .

when the sky is dark
it can freeze the soul
my heart turns black
as i turn to coal

the stranger looked at me
wondering how its like
he gave me wanton mee
and gave me a life

he was a friend
and will always be
until the end
of him and me

ok , im lame . lol
really lame .. haha. wat to do?

Food

2009-06-15T20:57:00.000+08:00

i feel so dead .
im hungry .
and thinking of food .
damn ... black pepper steak .
but no appetite .
lol . cnt eat .
even if i want to .
weird .

went to the bird park last saturday .
it was fun .
YAY!
err... ahah .

still hungry .
still thinking about food .
maybe i should write a song about food .
yum yum .

the little princess

2009-06-09T15:38:00.000+08:00

Me n a few friends from school went for this english short story course at the national library . Desmond was fun to talk to .. haha . We had to write about the stuff toys displayed in front of us . - a princess crown , a naked teddy bear with a hat on , a teddy bear with a book , strawberry shortcake running round an elephant and a orange weird creature . lol . Desmond wrote a cute story about a wizard from the bear with the book . I forgot what Nurul Huda wrote. lol . Umairah Huda and me wrote about the princess . she was a spoil brat in the story . Do tell me if i have any mistakes and give me comments and stuff .

and heres my story :) ,

The Little Princess
(nothing about a princess . LOL)
not a true story . haha

"Little princess , you are not going to leave the house ! " , screamed my mother. I blocked out all the naggings and screaming. I just needed time on my own. I rushed out of the house , bringing my skateboard along. I thought it could make me relax a little .

I was the youngest of my family. Family and friends would call me 'little princess' . It all happened after playing a major role in a disney princess play. I did not like the name at all . I hated being called 'girly' .

Skateboarding had always been my passion. It started as a hobby. I picked up skateboarding at the age of twelve and found this sport to be really fun and entertaining. It was irritating as people would make fun of me for I am a girl. Skateboarding was mainly for guys. I did not stop skateboarding as i hoped to go "pro" one day and prove them wrong. There was a time i felt embarrassed. So many people were looking at me as I boarded the train. I kept my spirits up and ignored them.

I looked out the window. My friends was so lucky to have such a beautiful scenery.

"You can stay here for as long as you like" , he said .

"But you might have to pay the bills!" , he added . i just smiled .

i closed my eyes and thought deeply. I really want to go for this skateboading competition. My mother would never agree to that idea. She thinks that skateboarding is a dangerous and inappropiate for young ladies. I almost cried hearing every single word she is saying as she crushes my dreams of becoming a professional skater . I went to the competition , ignoring the feeling of guilt inside of me.

"Heres your number" , a guy in a black tee-shirt told me. The competition was going to start in ten minutes .

I had butterflies in my stomach as I approached the ramp. Everything looked so big except for the spectators that looked like ants. I calmed myself down and took a deep breath .

"Here I go!" , I said .

I flew down the ramp and shown a few tricks. The spectators were cheering so loudly that it gave me a lot of convidence. I did a major "high-balancing" trick and it blew the spectators out of their minds.

I clenched my fists and closed my eyes. My breathing slowed down as my heart beats fast. I knew there were no chance of me winning everything. There were so many better skaters than me. I stop worrying about whether I was going to win or not. I did gave my all.

Then I heard ,

"In second place , it is , Lilah!" , my heart jumped out of my chest. Tears of joy started running down my cheecks. I felt on top of the world.

Then i saw my mother and could'nt believe my eyes. I ran to her and gave her a big hug.

"Im proud of you , little princess!" , she said .

30 May 2009

2009-06-04T16:47:00.000+08:00

SATURDAY
300509

a day to remember .

the elp clique ,
though amirah couldnt make it
planned a surprise bdae celebration .
haha , nt so surprising .
but lots of fun .
lots of fun .
fun ,
lol.

we smashed cakes in each other faces , for there r no forks .
we throw water bombs at each other but it only burst after hitting the floor .
n it hurts .
but it fin in 10 min ,
wth .
we got scolded for stealing water .
hilarious.
n yeah .
doesnt sound fun but it was.

presents :
a broken photo frame ( great effort ) :)
a really nice locket
and a great time
memories ... :)

29 may 2009

2009-06-04T16:23:00.000+08:00

FRIDAY 290509
few people forgot abt tt day .
but who cares . :)

celebrated with my family :)
we went to eat BLACK PEPPER STEAK >>> mmmmmmmmmm....
haha . i unexpectedly ate a lot sia .
so hungry .
My mother and 2nd sis bought me a necklace .
cool stuff .
while my first sis bought me a necklace and a wallet . :)

err.. i dn think we look lyk dat . :)

wad an experience

2009-05-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

26052009

2e2 went to Sungei Buloh today..
haha . it was quite fun but ,
kene bitten by dunno hw many insects .
until got blood sia..

i guess tmr there is NAPFA test .
im sure i cn pass.
must be confident lah .

today was a pretty boring day .
nothing much to do .
haiz .
hopefully tommorow would be better .

even this post is boring . lol

death

2009-05-23T22:21:00.000+08:00

i have face death before .
Almost drown , three times.
at sea , and swimming pools .
i have thought of suicide .
A long time ago anyways .
Felt thirty painful heartbreaks .
Thought my heart stop beating .
Few people wanted me dead .
Thought i would die from NCC training (LOL).
Almost got hit by lighting .
Had faced breathing problems .
Got strangled by a strong gal before .
Almost got hit by motorcycle , a small car and a bus .
Mosquitos bit me .
Some cats hate me .

now thinking of it ,
im lucky AND thankful to be alive .
though some assholes would do anything to ruin my life ,
there are those how make it easier to ignore those arseholes .
woahh , this entry soooooo weird and awkward .
Im just feeling down .

there will be problems in life and u will feel as if u will never solve it .
but i think u shud never give up .
may never noe wad may come next .
if life's too hard , it will be easier in the end .
much much easier .

i hope if anything happens to me ,
i hope to be remembered forever ,
and loved of course .
for i love so many people ,
and will never forget them .

ELP

2009-05-15T20:13:00.000+08:00

the elp members

Christina . Khadijah . Amirah . Aisyah . and me .

we seem to be falling apart .

i noe its because of me .

but i dunno what to do anymore .
i did try my best .

i wonder why it isnt working .

i won't give up though .

im not weak .

im making and blog for us .

i post it A.S.A.P aite .

do visit us and do give comments n stuff .

we will appreciate it a lot aite.

im glad christina was there to atleast help me .

more like defend me .

i appreaciate it a lot .

i won't forget .

i promise .

she isnt the only 1 though .
Umairah Huda .

she help me go through hard times of my life.

i m a teen after all . :)

thanks to tian ning and umairah huda , i had so much fun skateboarding .

though i suck .

haha.

we had a small picnic,

i brought apples . haha

but i lost my wallet . haha

but it was fun .

and hot .

and fun .

but hot .

lol .

stuff

2009-04-08T22:01:00.000+08:00

living this life day by day...

currently , few guys confess that they like me , n trust me , i dunno how to handle the situation .
im sure not a lot people haf seen my blog before .
if i haf offended anyone in anyway , tell me aite .
i dn wanna hurt anybody anymore .
so don hurt me . (gives innocent face)

the e.l.p. members seem to be drifting apart , maybe its because of me . well , i dunno , i wished i knew though . maybe i could , u noe , do something about it , n make it all better .

that is me wadd. :]

i kena scolded a few days ago , for skateboarding .
THE 1st time i have every skate myself .
n i got scolded .
lol .
so sad .
u should noe that skateboarding is my hobby , dream .
its so hard to let go .
just like letting someone go .
so hard , so hard . lol
i need a teacher . lol .
i suck .

i noe lah , skateboard bajet . but who cares?

im learning guitar too .
so jealous of NA & NT students .
they are learning guitar for music lesson .
SOOOO UNFAIR .
lol .
i need a teacher for this too .
help .

then , my fwen kene bully .
i help lah ,
lol , thats me wadd .
i noe how it feel to be bullied ,
n how it feels to bully :P
u bully my fwen , u kena from me ar .
i dare ok .
i got gang ,
yeah rite . lol .

n i think thats all i could write for now .
sorry zauwin , no posts on u . lol .

the turn

2009-03-06T15:20:00.000+08:00

i hate my life..

didnt get to see my relative for the last time,. u dont noe how that feel..

school sucks , my friends n me seem to be drifting apart , wanna noe y? i was hoping u could tell me . i dunno wats happening to me. feel depressed and sad without any reason or cause . i cant seem to control it.. any suggestions? lol . i dont think so .

god help me face all these problems...

AMIN....

im not like u

2008-12-31T23:09:00.000+08:00

yeah.. my first time urh.. lol
great thing i haf enmin wif me helping me out...
yeah , she told to write about how much i love her.. wth.. hahaha
she is one of my best friends so...

I LOVE U BEYBEH... LOL

currently , im pretty upset about my skateboard... really into skateboarding and my mumz words may take tt dream away.. i still wont give up tho.. itz something thats tells me im different..
skateboarding tells me too tt i may meet unexpectable people..
made new friends too..

some n me join up a band.. kindergarden dinosaurs...
huda , enmin , tian ning n me (duhh..lol )
gotta learn how to play the guitar for them..,
sure itz gonna be fun wen we actually start jammin.. :)
learning guitar from annabelle . haha.
lets see how chaotic things would be.
shes actt okayy lah to me... :)